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Firstborn Connections

Jessica, MA, USA
November 2002

This is a multi-part story, so first please let me provide you with some background info. My maternal grandmother, Situ (we are part Lebanese), was very close with my mother, her firstborn, and myself, the firstborn of my family. You see, my Situ and my mother had a falling out when my mother got married, but when I was conceived, my Situ was persuaded to patch things up with my mother for the sake of the next generation. Therefore, there has always been a special connection among my Situ, mother, and me.

Well, back in December,1986, I was diagnosed with leukemia and my Situ couldn't handle the possibility that I might die. Her own health began to fail, putting my mother in an awful place of taking care of me, my sisters, and my Situ. My Situ passed away at Thanksgiving in 1988, over a year into my treatment. My mother was so distraught that she bought a 21lb turkey instead of a 12lb turkey and didn't notice until we went to cook it!

One night, I'm not sure how many days after Situ's funeral, my mother had a dream. My mother was in the passenger seat of a car driving along a road with woods along the sides. She doesn't know who was driving. My mother then saw my Situ on the side of the road, flagging down the car. My mother asked the driver to stop, and then got out of the car to great her mother. My Situ then told my mother that she was happy and not in pain anymore. She also told my mom that I would be fine, that my cancer would go into remission. She then hugged my mother and told her to give hugs to the grandchildren and to my aunt. My mother then said goodbye and got back into the car. As it pulled away, she looked back and saw my Situ walking towards a white light.

My mom told us this story, gave us our hugs, and we all felt comforted. I felt especially good because of my Situ's message to me. It confirmed what I already knew, however, because when I was diagnosed and had the Anointing of the Sick, a religious ritual, I felt the Holy Spirit come over me and I knew I wouldn't die of cancer.

Unfortunately I didn't have the same knowledge about my mother. In 1994, my mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma, and in July, 2001, she passed on. She was a fighter, though, because the doctors predicted that she would live for 4 years and she lived for 71/2.

Now, onto the connections. Not long after my Situ died, I started to sense her presence. I was young, and so I never said anything to anyone. It wasn't until I was in college that I shared my stories with friends. I found that other had similar connections with dead loved ones. However, until 2000, I hadn't felt anything more than a comforting feeling. I was working in Fall River, where my Situ used to live, and I was driving through a neighborhood that seemed familiar. I then got a feeling that I should look to the left, and there was my Situ's old apartment building! I knew that she had wanted me to realize where I was. Another day, I had had a tough time at work, and as I was leaving the city, I had this overwhelming desire to smile and start to laugh. I knew it was my Situ and I thanked her for making my day turn out ok.

Now, when my mom died in 2001, I expected to be able to feel her presence, too. Not only didn't I feel hers, but I couldn't feel Situ's either! In August, I had a performance in which a very emotionally draining number was performed, and afterwards, as I was getting into place for the next number, I felt both my Situ and my Mom's presences there with me. I guess I just needed to be emotionally open to their vibes!

Since then, I have not only been sensitive to their presences, but I have also sensed others as well. I was at church one day last year when I felt the Holy Spirit come over me. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. I then felt my Mom and Situ, and then I felt the presence of the man whom the mass was being given for!

Since that day, I have felt other presences while at church. One such presence was the deceased brother of my father's fiance. The brother had taken his own life a year prior, and I not only felt his presence, but I knew that he was happy. That leads me to believe that God is forgiving of those who commit suicide.

Further connections between my mom and I have also happened. Recently I had a dream in which my mom came to me accompanied by the souls of my two future children. She didn't speak, but I knew that she was taking care of them for me and that she was providing me with hope that I would get married and have children someday. I woke up with such a feeling of serenity and joy that every time I think about that dream, I get a sense of those feelings again, and it provides me with hope.

I know this was all longwinded, but I feel that the background info was needed for you to understand the strong connections I have with my Mom and my Situ.


Jessica, MA, USA
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