top of page

Its Time To Let Go

Kiki, PA, USA
August 2004

I am a frequent visitor of this site and enjoy it very much. I thought it might be time to send in my own experience. I don't consider it to be scary story......more like a calming engagement.

Three years ago, my boyfriend's best friend since childhood, was struck and killed by a train. It was one of the hardest times I've ever had to go through in my life. It was so hard for me to see my boyfriend (fiance now) go through such a terrible ordeal. He died on a Tuesday and the funeral was on that Friday. Since he was so young, only 21, many people showed up. The procession was at least 50 cars or more long. At the funeral, Sarah McLoughlin's "I Will Remember You" was played during the mass. To this day I can not listen to that song without tears coming to my eyes. To make matters worse, the night of the funeral, a bunch of us went out for some drinks to talk and reminisce about our lost friend. A phone call yet again brought bad news. My fiance's grandfather had passed away. He suffered a long battle with lung cancer. It was the worst week of my life to see two people, who I loved so dearly, die such tragic deaths. Once again, another funeral was being arranged.

After everything was over with, I had a hard time letting go of my friend's death. I had known him for years since my sister dated him for a year or so. He was one of the kindest people I've ever known. He had a rough childhood and he seemed to be getting his life together when this happened. He was funny and sweet and I just couldn't believe his life was cut short. I thought about him alot and every time I drove past the cemetery in which he was buried in, I couldn't help but think how lonely he was in there. It sounds strange, but I just kept thinking how cold and alone he to talk to him and maybe help me get through this time.

Unfortunately, the cemetery was so big that I couldn't exactly remember where he was buried. The only thing I knew was that he was buried on the same road as his name. I found the road name but could not find his headstone. I parked on the side and got out of my car. I prayed to him. I said "Matt, if you can help me out here, I would realy appreciate it." I closed my eyes for a minute and when I re- opened them, I glanced up and low and behold, his grave was right in front of me. I don't know how I missed it but I did.

I sat there for a while, just talking to him. Telling him how much we missed him and to look out for us. I told him how we will never forget him and that we loved him. Soon after, I left and went home.

Later that night, I had a dream. I was at a party with a bunch of people I knew but couldn't see their faces, just somehow knew that they were friends. And walking towards me, in his usual attire, was Matt. Wearing his baggy jeans and his green hoody sweatshirt, like so many of the guys we hung out with wore. I had seen him in that outfit more then once and missed seeing him in it now. He came over to me. He grabbed my hand and gave me the sweetest smiles ever. I held on to his hand for what seemed like forever. Everyone else seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was almost as if no one else saw him. I just looked at him and said how much I missed him. Then, he started to slowly walk away but continued to hold my hand. As he was slowly walking past me, and as we still looked at each other, and our hands still held, I did not want to let go. But, as he continued to walk, we slowly drifted apart and finally our hands released from each others grasps. He still looked at me with that smile and I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I woke up with a start because I could have sworn it really happened. But in my heart I knew that he was telling me that he was ok. He was happy and that it was time to let go.

I miss him so much at times but I just think back to that dream and I know he is watching over us.

Kiki, PA, USA
00:00 / 01:04
bottom of page