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Always A Ray of Sunshine

Karin, CA, USA
July 2005

My friend told me to go to Rebecca, she couldn’t stand to see me suffering anymore; I needed to know if my son Peter was alright and at peace. I didn’t know what to expect, she could be a fake for all I know, but I had to try. Even if I came away with just a little hope it was better then nothing.

My husband Vince drove me to her office, as I was getting out of the car he said "I’m not going in with you because I don’t want to get my vibes confused with yours so I’ll wait in the car". I was a little upset but then I thought that it could be possible. As I was leaving Vince said to ask Peter if he still likes to eat and if he stands over him while he is cooking? Vince mentioned many times that he could feel Peter. We certainly have had so many experiences with the paranormal since Peters death that we are convinced he is with us and will always be with us.

The very first experience we had occurred one night when a young man that worked with me came for dinner. He had known about Peter from my many talks with him. As it turns out Ilya is the exact age as Peter, even born in the same month and same year. I felt closeness to him the moment I met him.

Well, Ilya sat down and Vince asked him if he would like something to drink, he said "sure I’ll have a beer if you have one". Vince brought the beer in a bottle, placed it on the table and as the three of us were watching the beer bottle moved forward very slowly and then actually turned and stopped right in front of Ilya. We all watched in amazement. Some non believers would say, oh! It was probably condensation from the bottle. There was no condensation whatsoever. We all checked it out. This was the first of many experiences. I intend to write everything down in a journal that happens from here on in.

I sat in her waiting room and felt very peaceful, the name of her company was The Purple Rose and there certainly were a lot of purple roses around. It wasn’t garish by any means. I was so excited to get going, I was nervous also and said a prayer to Peter to please come through to us today.

I sat down and introduced myself to Rebecca she was a nice lady very warm and I felt like I knew her for a long time. The minute I sat down she told me that as I walked through her door I had a yellow aura which I found out to mean intellectual, I don’t know about that but that is what she said. She started talking and did not stop except to ask me if I had questions and hour and a half later. She never stopped to think about an answer, she was amazing.

She started with, you have two men in your life that you have been married to, I see two men, but I see another one, who has blue eyes, I said neither one had blue eyes and she said you are going to have a man in your life much later, because I became concerned that something was going to happen to my Vince. She said not to worry it won’t be for a long time. She asked me if I knew a man with blue eyes, this man knows me already and watches me. He has a strong karmic connection to me and believes we were married to each other in another life. I believe that is very possible, because I believe very strongly in reincarnation and I know that I have lived before. She also said that I will never be alone. Well, I know what I’m going to be doing for the next 20 years or so, checking out all the old men with blue eyes to see if I feel any karmic connection.

You have two sons; I said yes I wanted to see what she was going to say. I see that you had another son, because your mother who just walked in said this is your son. I’m so sorry, was he ill because he doesn’t look ill. He is wonderful looking, dark hair, brown eyes nice build and a wonderful smile. He was a great kid, he loves you very much, but you know that. He is telling me that you feel him near you. Answer to his fathers question and Marks also. The reason I don’t come to you and only come to visit my mother is this, I do come to you, I am with you all the time but you don’t believe, Mom and I have always had a strong physic bond that I didn’t have with you. She really believes that I am with her and feels my presence in many different ways.

(Karin) Ask him about the party, (Rebecca) yes he was at the party (Aunt Dots). (Peter) Did you see the door open? (Peter) that was me, grandma too! (Peter) tell your husband who is outside, (Rebecca) didn’t know that Vince drove me to see her. I hung out by the food; he knew that I would be there it looked so good!!! Again he mentioned that he was around food, last thing Vince said to me.

Back to Peter, he loves coming to my work, she asked if I work by water, yes I said. Your mother is very worried that you work too hard and she is also worried that you have to drive so far. Question! Who is Gail, I told her that I work with her, she was at my desk the day before and she was quite upset about her job wondering if she was going to keep it or not and just worried in general. Peter said he was listening and told Gail not to worry it was going to work out. Another person he mentioned was Robert; do you know Robert at work? He is a manager or high-up. I said yes, well he doesn’t know what to do. He is torn between here and there. I knew exactly what she meant because he is in love with a girl from Germany and neither one of them will budge but they are very much in love. She said he was going to give in. She mentioned that I worked for a woman that really loves me; everyone loves you at work. They are going to expand very shortly and I am going to have a lot more responsibilities. They are going to be a very huge company.

Another thing she said was you are missing jewelry aren’t you. Peter say’s he put the ring where you found it. The others are a little hard to do but I will work on it. I lost two rings a sapphire, and a pearl, she mentioned the pearl not the sapphire, I said yes to the pearl. They were missing before Peter’s death and he knew about them. He told me I misplaced them again after previously doing it weeks before. I then lost my wedding ring after Peter’s death and wondered if someone had stolen it. Vince and I looked everywhere to no avail I can’t say how many times we looked on my dresser, but that ring was not there. I was going to try and get on John Edwards show in NY because we were traveling there the next week. I was in my bathroom talking to Peter in the mirror asking him to help me get tickets for his show and realized I couldn’t get there. I was crying I then walked to my dresser and kept talking to Peter and said, we can do this ourselves Peter, I believe you are here with me. All I want to know is are you at peace and are you with Jesus? And if you can throw in my ring and help me find it I would be so happy. As I was talking my left had went down and starting take off the top of a jewelry jar that a friend gave me. As I lifted off the top something was coming up to greet me. I looked at it in shock, it was a crucifix from my rosary and wrapped around it was my ring. Just at that moment a light appeared and was shining on Jesus. He answered my question, he was at peace, he was with Jesus and he found my ring. How can I not believe Peter is with me?

She then spoke a great deal of Peter’s death. She didn’t realize how he died until now. He spoke to her about his illness this way. I didn’t listen to my mother and take my pills like she told me to over and over, I didn’t listen. My death was no ones fault but my own. I did some stupid things that she didn’t know about and I am so sorry now. I broke my mother’s heart. I did leave her a note and she read it. I have wanted to do this for a long time, I thought of different ways to do it. I tried once before by hanging myself but I realized my mother would find me and I couldn’t bare that. She found the rope in my bedroom and she started to cry. I made light of it and said don’t be silly what am I going to do hang myself from my light. I knew I scared you, I then thought of killing myself with a gun, but I couldn’t get one. I asked Vince if he still had his gun. He said he threw it away. You again found the target practice sheet that I did one day. I then thought of the way I did it, away from our house. Rebecca said, your son fell in a lane on the side of the road, he flew with his arms open, he fell to the ground and the white light came. He did not die, he spoke to God and God said, Peter you can stay but this is how it is going to be Peter said, no I want to go with you, I cannot take the pain any longer. She told me he did not die right away he needed to have me with him. She said, you were not the first one that was called about Peter? I said no, she said it was his father that got the call. Peter did this so that I would have someone with me when I found out, he knew I could not have taken the shock of it all. He said I left only my fathers name and address in my wallet so that he would be called. I remember my mother holding my hand when I died.

(Peter) We lived in a two story condo like place. (Karin) did you have a condo? No we had an apartment. Peter says that there were terrible vibes there. So many bad things happened there. My black car had bad vibes too mom thank you for selling my new car, I liked that car. I just loved my room, the house has good vibes. Mom, to get some peace listen to my music it will make you think of me. Mom, I’m sorry, so sorry I put you through this but I had to. My life was void; I couldn’t go on any longer. That day I wasn’t in my body I hadn’t taken my medicine in a long time, again I wish I would have listened to you. I left the house, sat by the bridge for awhile, got out and jumped, as I hit God spoke to me and I chose to go with him. Mom I want you to know that I had to watch a movie of my life and I want you to know I wasn’t really all that bad.

Who is the Italian? My husband and my ex husband I answered, your ex husband is a depressed person, not mentally ill though and others in his family were depressed, he may have gotten it from the Italian side, in Peters words, not mine. Could have been because of the drugs years before, don’t know. Sorry, sorry Mom.

Who is Jeffrey? She then corrected herself and said Jeff, tell him I know he loved me, and I love him. Not to worry he doesn’t have to feel guilty about not doing enough for me.

His other brother, I see him by water and he is with a woman and it isn’t his wife, tell him also not to be sad about me. I am happy and at peace.

Michael, I am worried about Michael. He has been very upset about my death, tell him not to do the same, he thinks of it and is very sad. He could ruin his life over this. Tell him also I am at peace. He made sure he said again, call Michael and tell him I spoke about him. Do the right thing Mike.

The night before seeing Rebecca my cousin Cookie called and said Michael was not handling Peter’s death and was drinking very heavily. She was very upset and said she worries that he could be just like Peter; he has the same very sensitive personality. Peter also heard that conversation.

Here are some of the things Peter told Rebecca to tell me.

Who is the little blonde girl with curls, Peter worries about her, I told her that was Caroline, Marks daughter. She has problems and needs lots of love and attention.

Mom do you feel me when I sit on your bed at night? I don’t want you to think I am intruding on your privacy, I know you know I’m there. I also shake you and you feel me touch you and play with your hair.

I watch you put your jewelry on, I watch you decide which pieces go with your clothes. I hear you say which goes better this or this and Rebecca was showing me how he was saying it to her.

Every strange occurrence is me, I want to get your attention and I do. You are very aware of me.

Rebecca say’s she is sorry about Peter, it’s like an epidemic, so many young people are dying. What could be causing it, the water what??? Many of her clients are there because of their children’s suicides. Peter is a wonderful person and very funny.

Mom the only difference now is you can’t hold me, I have changed my earthly skin for another one. There is life here and it is more beautiful than you can imagine. I will come to you in the future, not in death but when you can accept it.

Mark, do not use my death as an excuse not to make it in life.

Thank you mom for the wonderful memorial, it was so beautiful, I loved how you kept rubbing my arm and leg, and you know I loved that. Grandma was with me watching; you know how she loves a good time. Ha Ha?..

Peter said to tell you that he likes the new bedspread that we put on the bed. I almost choked with that one because we did put on a new bedspread.

Say hello to my sister, I knew who he meant, he always considered Cathy his sister, he felt a deep kinship to her.

Who is John? Tell my mother John is really helping me here. He is teaching me so much. My father I said, he was a great orator in life and he is probably the same there.

Even though I have lost my beloved son I know he is with me now and through all eternity. Peter said life is eternal mom, we will be together again as we have been before. I Love you. In December I remember asking Peter to send me a rose for my birthday if he could, any color but a rose to prove to me that he really is around. I was so disappointed that I didn’t get one. I then said when it is possible I want you to bring me a rose some how, some way. When I was leaving Rebecca’s I turned around and low and behold there were roses all around and the name of her business is The Purple Rose Entertainment Company. You see he did bring me a rose after all.

As I was leaving Rebecca’s I looked up and looked at the sun and I said there is always a ray of sunshine.

Peter died on August 1, 2002 at the age of 25 from mental illness.

Karin, CA, USA
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