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An Attachment

June 1999

Ibelieve in the paranormal and have some psychic sensitivity. There are many who are more gifted than I in this area, however, and on occasion I seek out a professional for readings. Yesterday I had an experience which has left me moved, humbled and somewhat sorrowful.

About 5 months ago I went to a psychic I have visited a few times. One of the things she told me was that my grandmother's spirit stayed very close to me, as a sort of guide (I had heard this before and was well aware of my grandmother's occasional presence) and then she told me something new: that the spirit of a young girl had also attached herself strongly to me. She couldn't tell me who it was and I could not for the life of me think who it might be. I ran through some possibilities in my mind - the childhood friend who was murdered nearly 20 years ago? A child my mother had miscarried when I was 10 or 11? None seemed "right". I accepted that she may not be anyone I had known in this life, but I was still curious.

Finally, in a flash of insight it occurred to me that I did know who it was. When I was a teenager I used to babysit for a woman who kept foster children in her home. One of the little girls (who was about 9 or 10 when I knew her 21 years ago) was a child who just seemed marked for tragedy. She was overweight and unattractive and no one was particularly kind to her. She wasn't mistreated by her foster mother, but she was certainly not loved. Her biological mother and stepfather were nightmares in and of themselves - the mother simply didn't want her and the stepfather a convicted child molester. I think I knew even then that the little girl, Nancy, was not ever going to have a long or happy life. She and I sort of bonded and I look back and realize now that I may have been the only person in her life that loved her. But I was only 17 and went off to college and then lost touch with the family. I never did hear anything else about Nancy, although I thought about her occasionally. It finally hit me like a thunderbolt that that was probably who this child spirit was. At the moment this realization came to me I received a "jolt" - a rush of energy throughout my body that I have learned means I am having a true psychic insight.

Yesterday I had an appointment with an interesting man who combines physical therapy, Reiki healing and psychic reading into an approach to mind and body wellness. While I was filling out some forms he turned to me and asked me if I was aware of some of the beings (he called them "angels") which surrounded me and which he felt had just entered the room. I said I was and then took the opportunity to ask him about this child spirit. He said he did feel her and that I was right about who it was. He very gently explained to me that she had not been prepared to die when it happened and she could not find the light that souls are supposed to go to when they pass. He said "You were the only light she could find and she has attached to you." He went on to explain that while she meant no harm and was not malicious, having a being attached to me was a burden on me and very draining on my energy. He also said she wanted to move on, she just needed some help. And that she had been with me for at least 4 years.

He went on to do his physical therapy manipulations and in the process he said "She wants to talk now." I asked him what she was saying and he said "She's 17. Her her stepfather...Oh boy, she showed me some real pain just now. But she's getting impatient, she wants to go. I'm going to help her on." After a few minutes he assured me that she was now safely on her way to the light.

I feel so terrible that with the thoughtlessness of youth I didn't make more effort to keep up with this girl. I don't even question that she is in fact gone and died in an ugly manner, because it rings too true. I always knew she would. I am overwhelmed at the thought that in the whole universe, the only light this girl could find at passing was me, and I have vowed to be more conscious of the way other people feel about me. I will never know what effect I have on a soul.

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