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Final Goodbye

July 2007

I married my first husband when I was very young and just out of high school. We were young and in love but the strains of marriage and then a baby to care for placed more strain on us that we could not handle.
It was a awful experience for both of us and we eventually went our separate ways. I took with me out infant daughter and returned to my family in a different state and moved forward with my life.

Over the years, we had had some conversations, but contact was minimal and his relationship with our daughter was almost non- existent, although he did call from time to time to ask how our daughter was doing.

I had remarried and my current husband had raised my daughter as his own and we had two more children together. While I had worked to pull my life together, my ex had fallen into a world of drugs and drinking. He was in and out of jail for various crimes and I had pretty much written him off, hoping that maybe one day he would grow up and give my precious daughter the chance to know her father who she never really knew.
I would sporadically have dreams about him and shortly thereafter, he would contact me to check on Kylie, our daughter. I thought it was strange but just kinda got used to it.

However, about a month ago, I was out of town on business, alone in a hotel room. I awoke from a dead sleep for no apparent reason. In the corner of my room, there he stood, my ex, only it wasn't really him, but more like an image of him. He just stared at me with a blank look on his face not moving or speaking, just staring and he looked so incredibly sad. I remember I kept blinking and rubbing my eyes, thinking that I was dreaming this, hoping that I was. Chills crept over me as I realized I was awake and I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing. Then he vanished. I was so shaken that I called my mother immediately. Slightly agitated that I had woken her up at 3 in the morning, she insisted that I must have been dreaming and that I should calm down and go back to sleep. However, I remained awake the remainder of the night and watched the most beautiful sunrise I had seen in years.

I began preparing for my day when my mother called me and what she told me sent chills up my spine.
My ex had died of a massive heart attack the night before and his mother had been trying to contact me with this news. Even though we recognized that we could not live together, we always had cared for one another and I always hoped that he would turn things around for himself.

I guess he was just trying to say goodbye but I will NEVER forget this experience.

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