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He is With Me Still

California, USA
November 1998

My husband had been gone 5 months. We were separated when he died abruptly from an overdose of alcohol and other chemicals. I was in despair, feeling I was greatly responsible for his careless (and untypical) behavior since I had asked him to leave. He missed me and our then 2 year old daughter and I guess he was coping in his own way with the suffering he felt. We'd been trying to reconcile and begin our life together once more, when we'd had a huge blow-up and he'd gone back to his mother's house to stay. So whether or not it was intentional, his life came to an end at that time.

That happened in May, and when October came around, I was not even close to dealing with the overwhelming feeling of grief and deep sense of guilt and remorse that I felt. My girlfriend came to stay with me and my daughter for a few days around October's end. My friend was a very "spiritual" person, involved in metaphysical things. Very "psychic" and intuitive she was (and is).

We decided to visit my husband's grave site; I'd not gone there since the funeral. Once there, we lingered at the site for a while and before we left she suggested we say a prayer. We both stood on his grave, back to back, and began a prayer. Almost within seconds of this, I felt a rush of "energy" whoosh through my body, so forceful that I was pushed with jolt backwards into my friend's back. At that moment, within just a millisecond, when the "energy" rushed through my body, I could "feel" my husband -- that is it was HIS energy passing through me. I could feel him, in an almost physical, palpable way, as his "soul" passed through mine. Every detail, even the most minute, was burned into my being. His skin, his eyes, every hair; I even "smelled" him; his wonderful "scent" that I missed so much, that was "him" . . .

Well, as I said, this had all occurred so fast, and I was completely and literally taken aback. My friend and I turned around and faced each other, and it became obvious to me that she, too, had felt something. She had also experienced the cool rush of energy, but of course not at all the intense type of thing which had happened to me. That day, and from then on, I realized, my husband was not gone from me forever. I was convinced, and am still to this very moment, that it my husband that day, showing me that his presence was still around, eternal. I am living now with a bit more serenity. It isn't easy to step away from a life rending experience such as the death of one's husband or father. But that day I was given a gift, and I have never let go of its significance, nor shall I ever.

He really is with me still.

California, USA
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