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Let Me Go

October 2007

I had so many experiences with spirits ever since I was young. This started when my father died. I can feel the presence of spirits around me, watching me, or even talking to me. But this particular experience is one of the most frightening and one of the saddest of them all.

I was in my second year of college when a friend call me a day before my birthday. She was sobbing so hard that I could not figure out what she was saying. Finally she blurted out the words... A friend of mine committed suicide! I can not believe what I just heard and told her to calm down and tell me what had happened.
Apparently, a friend of mine, lets call her Kate (not her real name). Kate had committed suicide that day and her mother informed her friends. But I got the news from a common friend. I was so shocked to learn this that I had called her mom to confirm the news. Indeed, it was true. I remember the feeling of coldness in me and I started sobbing. I was left thinking of what could have been the reason of this very tragic death.

The next day was my birthday and I spent it in Kate's wake. I feel the need of explaining that I came from the Philippines and usually we hold a week for friends and family to attend a loved one's wake which is a week of mourning inside a chapel or a church where you can view the dead.

I was there the whole day just crying and trying to find answers as to why she committed suicide. Everyone was there including family and friends but I was kind of feeling different. I feel as if nobody noticed I was there and it was such a long day. Finally someone familiar tapped me in the shoulders and looked at me and asked me if I was alright. The blurry picture became clear with a friend in front of me trying to comfort me.

I was there all week, after school I would head straight to the wake just to visit Kate before her burial. The night before the burial, Kate's mom decided to have us friends sleep over at their house to get ready for the next day. We were all gathered in Kate's room which made me so uncomfortable. Kate's room has two beds in each corner and a door on the left that leads to her closet and bathroom. Everyone was talking about how she was and what their memorable moments were with Kate. I was left alone just sitting in Kate's study table in which was in front of the closet and bathroom door. As I was looking at her notebooks, I found a letter and found a very shocking note.

There it was, a schedule and plan of her death... she really planned it! The date of her death is 40 days from her birthday! As I was reading it, I felt as if someone was watching me from the closet door. I turned around and there was Kate! Kate looked different and I was very terrified of this sight. She had a gunshot wound from her chin to the top of her head! This is how she killed herself. I was so shocked that I could not move. My friend was shaking me and I tried to get out of it. I was closing my eyes but every time I close them Kate gets closer and closer. I finally let go of a very loud scream and I was unconscious for a while. I woke up with friends crying and told me that I was gone for a couple of minutes. I sobbed and explained to them what I saw but unfortunately no one saw Kate but me. I asked myself why? I was not able to sleep that night. Instead I was wide awake and shaking, scared that Kate would show up again.

The next day we were in the cemetery for Kate's burial. Kate wanted each of her friends to hold a balloon and let it go while her coffin is being buried. When it was time to do so I was sobbing so hard remembering the times when we were in High School. We were so happy! I just can't imagine she would do such a thing. Then I felt a cold wind blow into my neck and my hair from my arms raised. I was shaking so hard that one of my friends held me. We were both crying. Then I heard it, Kate whispered a sad "Let me Go" into my ear. And I let go of the balloon.

I wish she is okay wherever she is and I will always remember her wherever I go.

Rest in Peace Friend!

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