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My Mommie Dearest

Jaimie, IL, USA
June 2005

When I was sixteen years old I was told by my parents that we were going to move to Illinois. Being born and raised in Connecticut, and living in the same town since birth, I wasn't listening to anything about moving to a new state, let alone having to go to a new school. What I didn't know is the reason for the move was that my mom was dying from cancer and she wanted to move to her families side. I knew she was sick but when your young you think your parents are invincible and hey, she was only thirty-three years old, she'd pull through it right? Wrong.

Only about a month or so after moving to Illinois my sweet mommy passed away. It was heartbreaking for everyone. My mom was a wonderful person and I bet in her whole thirty-three years she was here she never made one enemy. My younger sister, who was only thirteen at the time, was devastated and my dad was at a loss. I spent so much time trying to console them I really didn't have time to grieve myself.

Well one night I was sleeping in my room, I wasn't feeling good, my dad was out and my sister was at her friends house so I basically took the time alone to let it all out. I was so exhausted from crying and screaming that I fell asleep. I remember I started to dream about my new boyfriend and I don't remember much else except I was calling his name and he turned and smiled and started walking towards me. When he got about five feet in front of me he reached his arms out with his hands extended like he wanted to grab my hands. So I put my hands out and he grabbed them and looked me in my eyes and said "Jaimie, I love you". But, It wasnt his voice! It was my moms voice and I was so shocked I said; "What did you just say?" and he repeated "Jaimie, I love you". At that instant my eyes flew open because that totally freaked me out, even if it was a dream. But, when I opened my eyes I saw this white glow at the foot of my bed. I looked closer and as clear as day I could see my mommys beautiful face and she had a look of sorrow, love and concern on her face. I just looked at her for about 5 seconds and upon realizing what I was seeing I closed my eyes and put my head down and collected in my mind what was happening here. I realized what I just saw and all these questions I wanted to ask and things I wanted to say started flooding my brain. When I looked back up she was gone.

I feel so bad because I acted as though she was something scary and I had so much to say and I blew it.

I have not seen my mother since and I think she just wanted me to see she was ok and to let me know to relax and enjoy my youth.

I still wish she would come back so I can tell her how much I miss and love her.

P.S. I know for a fact this was not a dream.

Jaimie, IL, USA
00:00 / 01:04
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