Saying Goodbye (1)

I had heard many stories about ghosts as a child. Things that friends and family had told and had watched a few things on TV but had never experienced anything myself. I never believed or disbelieved them either. I had no thoughts one way or the other on it. Then I lost my father quite suddenly when I was almost 15 years old.

My mother was in hospital about to have an operation, so there was only my older brother who was 19, me & my father at home at the time. My father had a major heart attack early hours in the morning & was taken to hospital (the same place where my mother was at the time). I stayed at home while my brother went with my father in the ambulance. My mother's operation was cancelled & she came home with my brother early that morning.

None of us could believe he was gone, it just happened so suddenly. None of us had a chance to say goodbye to him. We were devastated.

About a week after the funeral, we were all still numb & trying to get on with our lives, which was not easy, but we tried to go about things as normally as we could.

I was watching TV on my own in the lounge early one evening & right out of the blue, I saw something move out the corner of my eye, I quickly turned around towards the movement but although there was something there, I couldn't catch it with my eye & then it was gone. I remember feeling really frightened & leapt up from the sofa & ran into the kitchen, where my mother was cooking the evening meal, she looked at me & asked if I was ok & I said yes, & I just stood there & watched my mother cooking, something I never, ever did. I was standing there trying to make sense of what I just saw & thought it must have just been my imagination or that I was just tired. I passed it off as nothing.

(I remember seeing it again, but I must have blotted that one out because I cannot remember much about it)

A few nights later, I was up in my room late one night, listening to some music on my headphones, my mother was sleeping downstairs on the sofa, (she couldn't face sleeping in the bed on her own)& all I had on was a small bedside lamp. I was listening to this music & it happened again. This time I knew It wasn't me. I knew I had definitely seen something. At first I just froze. I tried to catch it with my eyes, but I couldn't. But I know something was there. It was like something small of a dark colour was racing around the room at lightning speed.

I leapt up, threw my headphones off & ran down the stairs (I don't think my feet touched the steps, I think I flew down them) I threw open the lounge door,(to where my mother was) & to this day I still don't know why I said this, but I shouted, ''are you ok?'', to which my mother replied, ''No''. I walked into the room & sat down with my mother & she said she wasn't feeling very well. I never told her what happened & my mother never questioned why I came down to her.

I now knew I had definitely seen something, although at the back of my mind I thought maybe I was going mad (maybe my fathers quite unsuspected & sudden death had taken more of a toll on me than I thought). But nevertheless I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't tell my mother what I had seen, because she was still mourning the loss of my father & she didn't need to hear things like this. I couldn't face telling anyone else, incase they thought I was mad or making it up, so I said nothing.

A few days later, my boyfriend came over & my mother & I were standing talking (in what we called our best room). My mother was talking to my boyfriend at the time when all of a sudden she stopped mid-sentence & looked away, across the room. I went cold, the blood must have drained to my feet & I could hear my heart thumping in my ears. Mum looked at me & then back at my boyfriend & then tried to carry on with the conversation, I pulled her arm & asked her what was wrong, she said, ''Nothing, it doesn't matter'', I wouldn't let it go & asked her what she stopped for, she said she didn't know, she thought she saw something. I was shaking like a leaf, but asked her to tell me what she saw.

Mum, seemed really uncomfortable, but she said the only way she could explain it was, she thought she saw something small & black go across the room really fast. I just burst into tears. My mother & my boyfriend just looked at me & asked me what on earth was wrong. I told Mum what I had been seeing & that I now knew it wasn't me & I wasn't going mad & although it was really weird I felt relieved at the same time. Mum then understood why I came out into the kitchen suddenly to just stand there & watch her cook, which my mother thought was strange & also why I came down the stairs & asked her if she was ok in the middle of the night.

We never saw it again from that night. I saw it 3 times & my mother saw it just the once. But after we talked we came to the conclusion that it must have been my Dad, just saying goodbye. We have no other explanation for it.

I have never ever experienced anything before or after that. This happened about 19 yrs ago. I have often wondered if others have ever experienced the same sort of thing. It's something I will never forget.