Where We Belong

Last year, I was going through a difficult time with my mother. We argued a lot and, to put it bluntly, we just didn't get along. So, at this time, back in September, I was thirteen and considering moving in with my dad and he was out looking for houses. I aspire to be an architect and have a small interest in interior design, so I was ecstatic when he invited me to go with him and the realtor to look at the houses.

One house we went to look at was a three-bedroom home in the historic district of Casa Grande. It was built back in 1934, now making it 75 years old, with little to no renovations. All original wood flooring throughout the house and original (interior)doorknobs. As we drove up to the house, I was disgusted, thinking, "Oh, great. An old house.." and immediately began to talk my dad out of it, but, the strangest thing happened. As we pulled into the driveway, I felt as if something went through me. Like, a cold breeze that swept through my entire body, and it was so shocking, I threw myself up against the back seat. My dad was startled, when I opened my eyes, because, all of a sudden I was telling him, "This is my home. This is where I belong, Daddy. I love this house!" and I continued to say that in my head, also. I seriously felt like I was someone else. I was overcome with these totally different, yet, strong emotions. I was in a different state of mind, like I was trapped in someone else.

Before they even opened the door, I knew the whole layout. I marched right in and went directly to the second room and said, "This is where I sleep." The strange part is, I was aware of what I was saying and that I was talking, I just had no control over it and knew that these were not my words. I even thought differently. It was as if I was seeing the house through someone else's eyes. Someone who considered this house their home, you know?

Out on the back porch, was the original cement patio, and not even the realtor had noticed this, but there was a child's hand print imbedded in it with "'34" right next to it. It was hidden off in an inconspicuous area of the patio, directly behind the stairs, but I already knew where it was. Strange, huh? In my mind, I said, "Those are mine." I was really freaking myself out.

I walked off without my dad or the realtor and wandered through this house I seemed to know so well, and as I walked, my life seemed to flash before me. I seriously saw myself living in this house as a child, and remaining here until I grew old. In every room was a different scene of me and a different period in my life. As if, I was seeing into my future. I walked into the room where I had said, "This is where I sleep." and sat in the direct center. I know this sounds so hard to believe and crazy almost, but something in me told me and convinced me, "This is where I have to live and this is where I will die." and as I stood there in the doorway to my room, looking out at the informal living room, I saw myself as an elderly woman, white hair and all, sitting in my rocking chair. (in my mind, I saw the house fully furnished). I watched my elderly self turn her head and look directly back at me, lock eyes, and at that exact moment, a voice in my head said, "You will die in this room."

It all happened so fast, and all what I'm about to describe seemed to happen in the same second. I opened my mouth to, what it seemed like, scream, you know? But, as I did, my eyes rolled back and my whole lifetime that I had just witnessed and was expected to spend here flashed before my eyes - childhood, teen years, adulthood, bearing children, and becoming old and widowed - everything I had seen, seemed to be so real and something told me it had to happen in this house. Everything flashed in my eyes, so fast, but I saw it all. Then everything flashed black, and I felt a gust of powerful wind hit my stomach and I couldn't breathe. There was a mixture of laughter and deafening, torturous screaming ringing through my ears. I felt myself fall back against the door and fall onto the floor. I could feel my arms and legs twitching and shaking, yet, my eyes seemed blinded and I still couldn't breathe. My eyes flashed white, then black, white, black, then finally white, when everything stopped. My eyes shot open, and I found myself in a fetal position on the floor, with mascara and tears streaming down my face and I gasped for air. My head hurt so bad and, again, in my mind, something told me, "I'm covered in blood." and out loud I said, "I hurt so bad.." and as I got up to run outside, now, as myself, minus whatever had "possessed" me before, I realised that the door to the room I was in ("my room") was shut and had been locked from the inside. I was so confused and I hurt all over.

I ran outside and sat on the front porch and just cried and cried. Even though I felt like whatever was in me had left, I really felt attached to the house. I knew it now, like the back of my hand, and was deathly afraid of actually having to leave it. I kept saying, "I belong here. I'll come back. Wait for me, I'll come back." Just, whispering it to the house and through the windows. It was really creepy. I could sense whoever had taken over my body was standing in the exact room that I stared into. I couldn't see, but I knew she was crying with me, and a voice, different that my own, said to me in my head, "We'll always wait - " and I finished, "-this is where we belong" My dad even told me I said that,("this is where we belong"), because I denied it the whole car-ride home. I was depressed and felt "homesick" for the next two months and had dreams about my life there every night for about three weeks. In my dreams, I was married with three children.

I finally told my mom and brother of the house a month later, with renewed hope for my return to it, because my mom had read my palm, confirming my dream, saying I was destined to have three kids (she had no idea of my dreams). Both my mom and my brother are very in tune with the paranormal. My brother is just a little bit less than my mom. My mom is into tarot, palm reading, and is very, very sensitive to the supernatural. She creeps me out. But, without them asking, I eagerly gave them the address of the house and, according to my mom, had said with a big smile, "Visit me some time." At that time, though, my dad and I were living in a different house.

My mom didn't know this, and on Halloween morning, went to check out the house she thought I lived in. She went alone, and later told me that, as she looked in the window and noticed it was vacant, she suddenly felt a sad and yearning energy. She said she felt as if she were going to pass out and told me that she had gotten a feeling that said, "We don't want you, we want her." My mom left as fast as she could, wanting to warn my brother not to see the house because she knew that by "her" they meant me. But, when she got home, my brother had already left to his friend's house, without his cell phone!

That night, my brother and his friend were out around that area, being typical teens. My brother remembered the address and said to his friend, "Let's go see my sister's new house." So, they, too, went to the house. My brother reported that they wanted to scare me, being it Halloween night, so they jumped over the fence. Seeing that all the lights were off, my brother was drawn to a room he said he could've swore was mine. (*My brother can sense when I'm around and is drawn to me because he can feel this "special vibe". He usually beats me in hide 'n seek) So, he says, he felt that "Special vibe" that he only gets with his little sister (me), and said he knew exactly which room I was in. Him and his friend snuck up to the window and suddenly knocked five times, very hard, hoping to scare the crap out of me. They both swear they heard a scream and while my brother was overwhelmed with laughter, his friend pressed his face against the window. My brother opened his eyes to see his friend's pale and frightened face say, "The house is empty."

My brother jumped to his feet and saw, too, that the house was vacant. His friend claims to have seen my brother jolt away from the window as if electricity had gone through him. My brother told me later, after my mom brought up the subject, that he had also felt something that said, "Not you, her." My brother immediately knew (somehow) that this feeling was connected to me.

My mom and brother both concluded that the house was attached to me, or the spirits in the house were. Not only that, but they both said that there was something about the house that made them think I was in there. My mom said, "That's your house, and, whether you like it or not, you're going to live there at some point. It's almost like a calling." but, she said it in the most melancholy tone... The whole house thing happened at least 10 months ago, and I still feel really attached to the house. Every time I go to Casa Grande, I have to drive past it, and it feels almost like there's a leash, preventing me from straying too often from the house or ever forgetting. As scary as it all is, I feel like that house is truly where I belong. Like, I'm destined to be there.

The strangest and most ironic thing is, to this day, it still hasn't sold. Hmm. Maybe, it's waiting for me...?